Seven tips from the Sunnah on how to make your wife Happy
Marriage is a sacred contract made before Allah swt. And it isn’t always easy. It takes some hard work from both sides. Too often in our communities marriage has become a source of pain and frustration, but what if our marriage became a place of comfort and tranquility? What if the war zone within our hidden four walls illuminated to a refuge of sacred space; a place to seek peace away from the chaos of the outside world? It is crucial to understand that this life is just a means to a greater end and that all that we do in this world is a journey for us to reach Allah. Your marriage is a tool to bring you closer to Allah swt. We are here to know, worship and gain closeness to Allah. Having the understanding that nobody’s marriage is perfect is crucial. You may have an amazing spouse but suffer a lot of pain from in-laws, if you’ve been given a difficult spouse you may have incredible children or it may be that your relationships give you much joy but it’s the finances or family illness that disrupts your peace and keeps you up at night. We need to understand that it is all a test for us. So all our dealings, in essence, our dealings with Allah. Everyone in your life is a personified test and we are tested on our actions and reactions to each other. Allah has given each of us their unique circumstance and not an atom worth is a coincidence in our lives. Imagine from this moment everything that happens in your life, every difficult trial, every single moment you tell yourself ‘okay what am I learning from this right now? How is this going to serve me to be a better person, how can this get me closer to Allah?’ Imagine we live our lives like this. A life where we don’t resist realisation but embrace realisation. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign, as Allah says in the Qur’an:“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” Quran 30:21The Prophet ﷺ understood love and marriage more than any other human. The perfection of character that he ﷺ displayed specifically within a marriage is greatly beneficial to study to enhance our own marriage. Our deen needs to translate into inner beauty and that inner beauty needs to translate to good character and good actions especially to those closest to us. The pious predecessors said that a man’s true character is how he is like within the home. Outside we are bound by social norms yet inside the walls of our home our true character manifests. Muhammad ﷺ had a happy family life built on mutual understanding and kindness. As diverse as his roles were as a Prophet, governor, military commander and master of mankind he still put in a lot of effort strengthening his relationship with his wives and children.
1. Show her gratitude and acknowledge the hard work she does.
By showing your wife gratitude and acknowledging her hard work, you will make her feel a sense of accomplishment and this will help keep her motivated to do the hard work she does. It also means that if you are grateful to your wife then you are grateful to Allah for blessing you with her company because it was Allah swt that gave you the opportunity to unite together in marriage. Thank your wife very often and tell her that you appreciate all her work and effort and say Alhamdulillah for her companionship. Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said :“Whoever is not grateful to the people, he is not grateful to Allah.” Tirmidhi (Sahih)Allah also states in the Quran:
“If you are grateful I will increase you” Quran 14:7This verse is not limited to being only grateful to Allah but can also apply to being grateful towards our loved ones.
2. Express yourself with loving words and sweet gestures.
Sweet words don’t cost very much but can fill a woman’s heart. Our pious predecessors said that expressions of love and affection that are not inappropriate are actually Sunnah. The idea of kissing your wife every time you arrive home is an expression of love and gratitude and it is Sunnah.The Prophet ﷺ would always walk into his home and show affection to his wife. Prophet ﷺ advised believers to give gifts to each other is it fills love in their hearts towards each other. Anas said to his son, Thabit,“My son, exchange gifts, it will bring about love between you.” (Sahih)
3. Help and support her in her daily chores
Be your wife’s greatest support and offer to help her with any task, whether it be big or small. Your wife wants to feel like you are working together as a team to build your family and maintain your home. The prophet helped out around the house, serving his family often. Al-Aswad said,“I asked ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, ‘What did the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do when he was with his family?’ She replied, ‘He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.'” Bukhari Al Adab Al Mufrad (Sahih)Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her, described the Prophet ﷺ as always smiling and making those around him feel comfortable in his presence. His loved ones were not afraid of him, they loved his company. A great sign of his Prophetic character was that those closest to him such as his best friend Abu Bakr r.a., his wife Khadija r.a. And his cousin Ali r.a. was amongst the first to accept Islam.
4. Really listen to her! Listen to her emotional needs
Men don’t always have to be solution-oriented sometimes when women open up about their issues. Simply showing empathy and understanding can be very therapeutic for your wife. Acknowledge her emotions and appreciate her perspective and give her your full attention when she speaks to you.5. Spend quality time with Her!
Spend quality time with her at home but also try to explore other ways to build your companionship. Creativity and activity through outings and different experiences can add some variety to the marriage. Research shows that it is the novelty in a marriage that creates the passion. Be a reliable and responsible spouse in which you prioritise time spent with your wife responsibly. Don’t always allow ‘boys time’ to override moments with her. Give her the time and attention she deserves and ask Allah swt to put barakah in the time you spend together. An example is that of Prophet Muhammad with Aishah: One day a young group of Abyssinian men were dancing in Masjid Nabawi. Aishah said to the Prophet that she wanted to watch them. So she leans and places her chin on the shoulder of the Prophet ﷺ, his noble bodyguarding her. Her cheek was touching his cheek and her arms around him as they watch the performance in the Masjid. And he gently asks her “Are you done yet?” She said “No, not yet’ and this happened a few times. She finally moves away. After the Prophet ﷺ passed away she confesses that “By Allah, I had no interest in watching those people dancing; I just wanted my face to be on his face”.6. Be good to her family and friends
Aishah narrated:“I was not jealous of any wife of the Prophet as I was jealous of Khadijah, and it was not because I saw her. It was only because the Messenger of Allah mentioned her so much, and because whenever he would slaughter a sheep, he would look for Khadijah’s friends to gift them some of it.” Tirmidhi (Sahih)