Islamic Marriage Advice with Sheikh Bilal Dannoun

As Sheikh Bilal Dannoun puts it, “Marriage is about two imperfect people that never give up on each other.”

The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.” Sahih Al-Hurairah 

These are the things that a man should look for when looking to get married, and it encourages people to do their homework, in order to have a healthy and happy marriage. Look for a triple M, Muslim Marriage Material, referring to the above hadith. Unfortunately 50% of marriages end in divorce according to a recent study done by American Psychological Association (APA). It is important to find someone who is your number 1 fan and makes you feel good about yourself.   When looking for a partner you need to have reasonable standards, you should know what you want, make a list and look for something that is important to you, you want someone that interests you. Engagements occurs once the man is ready to marry, asks for the women’s hand and there has been an acceptance on both the women and families part. During this period, no other suitors can come and ask for her hand. There is no religious obligations in an engagement, it is a formal but an informal agreement. This engagement period allows you to get to know that person and can last for however long it takes to: get to know that person, ensure financial stability etc. There is no time limit, but it shouldn’t be prolonged.

For women, there is a stigma associated with calling off an engagement, or Katb al-Kitab (KK). If she is unhappy in her situation and there is “no spark”, she should look for the best outcome, and it would be in her best interest to go to her father for advice. Compatibility is something the scholars of Islam have spoken about, which you will find when you find out what you both want in your marriage. After the engagement period, a KK is conducted which is formerly known as the Nikkah, and it is the contract itself that both people sign. This Islamically means that you are married, however there can be conditions. During the KK, there needs to be representation for the women (usually her father). If he is unavailable, her uncle or a mahram can fulfill this role, and this person is known as a ‘Wali’. There must be two male witnesses and a dowry written into the contract. Once the KK has been signed, the couple can now be alone and there is no need for mahram. Some couples move out after the KK, while others take a while to move out. There is usually a ceremony after the KK, known as the walimah, which is sunnah. Some scholars state that it is an obligation.

It was narrated that Anas said, “The Messenger of Allah saw traces of yellow perfume on ‘Abdur-Rahman and said, ‘What is this?’ He said, ‘I married a woman for a Nawah (five Dirhams) of  gold.’ He said, ‘May Allah bless you. Give a Walimah (wedding feast) even if it is with one sheep.’”

Sunan Al-Nisa`i

According to Islamic Shariah there are requirements to get married,

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty.” Quran 24:33

Talk to your local Sheikh or Imam to find out the specific requirements so that you are pleasing Allah when looking to get married.