The Spiritual Weight of Marriage
We sat down with Dr. Mufti Abdul Rahman Ibn Yusuf Mangera, a globally respected Islamic scholar, to explore the deeper realities of marriage in Islam. What struck us most was the powerful reminder that marriage is not just a worldly arrangement, but a bond that extends into Paradise. In Jannah, you won’t be with your parents or your friends—you’ll be with your spouse. That eternal connection gives this relationship unparalleled significance.
This spiritual outlook shifts the way we should approach marriage. It’s not simply about romance or companionship. It’s about building a union that becomes a means of tranquillity in this life and a source of reward in the next. With that in mind, Mufti Abdul Rahman encourages us to stop being selfish. Marriage isn’t just about “me and you”; it’s about families, communities and the legacy we leave behind.
A Practical Approach to Marriage
While the spiritual stakes are high, Mufti Abdul Rahman also shared down-to-earth insights on how to make marriages work. One key piece of advice was creating a “love bank” by doing acts of kindness beyond what is expected. These small gestures become a buffer in times of conflict, reminding each partner of the goodwill that exists between them.
He also debunked the idea of a “perfect fit.” Every couple will have disagreements. Even the Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – faced marital tensions. What matters is how we handle those moments. Learning each other’s likes and dislikes takes time, and early years often involve mutual adjustments. But with patience, that relationship deepens and softens.
Finding the Right Person
We discussed the difficulties many Muslims face in finding a spouse today. Mufti Abdul Rahman pointed to the decline of community matchmaking and the rise of individualism as contributing factors. His advice? Don’t focus on just one trait like wealth or beauty. Look for a package of qualities—character, deen, and compatibility.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said,
“A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.”
Al-Bukhari
He also stressed the importance of preparing for marriage well before the wedding day. That means working on our character flaws, from anger and sensitivity to stinginess. Akhlaq, he reminded us, is often the most overlooked but most essential part of deen when it comes to marriage.
When Problems Arise
Conflict is natural, but it should never be ignored. Mufti Abdul Rahman urged couples to seek help early, not when it’s too late. Whether it’s from a culturally sensitive counsellor or a trusted scholar, outside support can prevent years of buried resentment. Importantly, he encouraged more Muslims to take up counselling as a profession—it’s a pressing community need.
Marriage is Sacrifice and Vision
Ultimately, marriage requires sacrifice. But it’s not for nothing. It shapes the people we become, the children we raise, and the legacies we leave. So let’s stop being short-sighted. Our marriages are the starting point for our posterity and perhaps our entry into Paradise. Let’s choose, build and nurture them with that in mind.