Confronting Death: A Necessary Conversation
In our daily conversations, we often reference death without much thought. Phrases like “I’m dying for a break” or “I’d rather die than do that” pepper our speech. Yet, when it comes to acknowledging the reality of our own mortality, many of us shy away.
Sister Mariam Ardati, a dedicated death doula and funeral director, offers profound insights into this often-avoided topic. As a death doula, much like a birth doula at the start of life, she provides practical, emotional, and spiritual support to individuals as they approach the end of their earthly journey. Her role ensures that the dying process is as peaceful and meaningful as possible.
Shifting Perspectives on Death
One of the key lessons Sister Mariam imparts is the importance of shifting our perspective on death. Society often fixates on the physical decline associated with dying—the withering body, the pain of illness, and the finality of a grave. However, she encourages us to focus on the metaphysical journey of the soul and the promises that lie beyond this life. By viewing death as a transition rather than an end, we can alleviate much of the fear and anxiety that surrounds it.
Islam teaches us that death is not a conclusion but a passage to the eternal life.
“Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your full compensation on the Day of Resurrection”
Qur’an 3:185
Understanding this reality helps us prepare spiritually and mentally for what lies ahead.
The Weight of Regret and the Power of Repentance
Regret is a common theme among those nearing the end of life. Sister Mariam notes that many regrets stem from neglecting the blessings bestowed upon us—time, health, and relationships. As the body becomes incapacitated, individuals often reflect on missed opportunities and unfulfilled responsibilities. Yet, Islam teaches that as long as there is breath, there is hope. The doors to repentance, seeking forgiveness, and making supplication remain open until the very end.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,
“Allah accepts the repentance of the servant as long as his soul has not yet reached his throat”
Tirmidhi, 3537
To live a life with fewer regrets, Sister Mariam advises embracing the concept of death as a natural part of existence. By acknowledging our mortality, we can lead more intentional lives, prioritising what truly matters. This includes nurturing our faith, strengthening relationships, and contributing positively to our communities.
The Importance of Open Conversations About Death
Moreover, she highlights the importance of discussing death within families and communities. Talking about end-of-life wishes, understanding Islamic funeral rites, and preparing both spiritually and practically can ease the burden on loved ones and ensure that one’s final moments align with their beliefs and values.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) reminded us,
“Frequently remember the destroyer of pleasures”, meaning death.
Ibn Majah, 4258
Acknowledging death is not meant to bring sorrow but rather to encourage us to live with purpose and gratitude.
Living Fully with the End in Mind
In essence, Sister Mariam’s experiences teach us that by confronting the reality of death, we can lead lives rich in purpose and free from the weight of unaddressed fears. Death is not an end but a transition to the eternal life that awaits. Embracing this perspective allows us to live fully, with hearts attuned to the divine and minds focused on what truly matters.
As we navigate our daily lives, let us remember that each moment is a gift. By living with the end in mind, we can ensure that when our time comes, we meet it with peace, acceptance, and a heart full of faith.